10 Tips for Healthy Relationship
Cherating, Malaysia, 2022
In January 2022 we celebrated our 2 year anniversary.
It was 2 years of being 24/7 together, as we entered the relationship right before the lockdown. In retrospect, I see now how much we have grown in this relationship.
A conscious relationship is beautiful and messy, it’s nourishing and scary at the same time. It’s expansive and at times unbelievably tough, especially when egos get triggered, when fears, projections, uncertainty, and unknown hits.
“Conscious relationship to me is shared experience and a call for growth, a conscious choice to enter a union with your soul mate and witness each other’s lights and shadows, joys and struggles, triggers and fears and co elevate.
It’s a journey to remember how to choose love over fear each time a little better, a little more. ”
Here are my top 10 biggest lessons that I wish I have heard as 10 tips before I entered the relationship.
Relationship requires mental, physical, emotional, financial investment as long as it exists. The moment we stop nourishing it, it’s at risk of dying.
“I love you” very rarely is that specific expression, you have to learn to hear it, feel it, smell it, taste it, see it … it’s so much more than just “I love you”.
Communication creates space for understanding each other reality’s better and makes assumptions and projections obsolete.
My partner is not responsible for my happiness, I am.
Love is important but not enough to sustain a conscious relationship, anything can be cultivated in the relationship if both partners are committed to it.
Yes as time passes the butterflies and the desire will not be the same as it was in the honeymoon stage, but it’s possible and needed to cultivate constantly. It’s not going to be always rosy, lovie-dovie, but the presence and the depth that comes with commitment are delicious.
Expectations create illusions that later backfire as hurt and disappointment. Having no expectations is hard, fucking hard… leaning instead into the common vision is a remedy.
Taking responsibility for your part and apologizing for your part is the shortcut to the long never-ending arguments that mostly lead to nowhere. No matter what happened, even when we think it’s all him/ her, we both co-created it.
Learning how to see a teacher in my partner, a mirror opens up possibilities for massive growth and expansion.
Having someone to care about you and love you on the days when you are not lovable is the most healing thing in the world, hearing someone say “I see you are triggered but I am not going anywhere“ can be the most lifechanging experience.
Beyond all of this patience is what I was invited to master in this relationship the most.
Patience to see him through the eyes of curiosity and openness in every NOW, especially in moments when it is really hard, rather than projecting who I think he is or what I think he will say/do. Our story (projection/expectation) often overrides the present moment’s truth and we stay in the same loop in our relationships, so we keep attracting similar partners because we don’t learn the lesson…
I am still learning how to be patient and allow time and space to do their magic and not rush into my illusory reality…
Thanks for loving all parts of me … Thanks for being my rock, lover!
