Authenticity: Owning All Parts of You
Sister, IF her freedom and authenticity trigger you, look within, she is a living invitation to reclaim yours.
A beautiful woman, who I met at Bali Spirit Festival years ago, a few years later became my coaching client. Wel played for 6months, she is one of my favorite coachees to work with and she made massive progress in so many areas of her life.
During our last coaching call, she said.
- Sira, do you remember when I met you during the Bali Spirit festival I told you, that your freedom and your authenticity, triggered me, it was overwhelming?
I couldn’t recall it, but the moment she said that I felt her the most. A woman voicing her shadows is a big step in owning all of her. I was in awe of her inner power, courage, and authenticity to share …
she said:
-The way you would walk, talk, just be, it was all so much… there was something in the quality of your freedom.
And then she added:
- Now in retrospect, I see that the reason you were triggering me, was because I wanted, I was craving that level of freedom and authenticity.
And after our call, I sat with it for a while. Well, I am probably triggering so many women because my authenticity is polarising, it feels TOO MUCH.
And I remembered how in one of the first tantra workshops I attended a very embodied woman in front of me laughed her heart out, her voice was filled with joy and freedom and it came from her heart, it was in no way to prove or show off anything, it was her natural state, she just gave no “fu.ks” what others would think because she was so ecstatic in her existence.
Uhhhh, I was so triggered and overwhelmed by her presence and authenticity, that in that moment of course I resented her, I did judge her.
Her ecstasy was so real but so far away from my reality … I was in a box called “please others, play small, play safe so everyone likes you… or at least you think they will like you” …
In my heart, I knew she was a living invitation a loud and authentic call to REMEMBER.
Deep down I wanted that level of authenticity, where I could own all of me and just BE me, not who my mom, my friend, my lover, society… wants me to be. I was told I am too loud all the time and that being loud is not feminine… or only “sluts … add any label you wish” would be that way.
I wish she knew, that by being her, she gave me permission and showed me a possibility and an existence of something that I buried deep down, part of me that I abandoned…
And along the way piece by piece we abandon parts of us, we abandon to fit in that “pretty box” of a “good girl”.
Tantra Festival, Portugal
My invitation is to ask yourself “where does another woman trigger me”, ”what’s in her that feels too much”, “where am I judging her, where am I resenting her”…
Then turn the arrow inwards and ask yourself, what part of me is asking me for expansion, where am I holding onto fitting in, where am I holding onto a mask, where am I called to reclaim the buried and abandoned parts of me?
Where I am jealous of her, where I get triggered the most is most probably where she is being an invitation for my expansion and for my reclamation.
I am forever grateful for that woman. I started owning my voice and my loudness just a little more each time. And now, if anyone is the loudest in any room, that’s me. I used to apologize every time when they would say “Sira, you are loud”.
NOT ANYMORE! Ohh boy, now, I am the loudest in any room, not because I wanna prove anything, but because that’s what my real expression is when I turn off my “what they will think, say about me”…
And now, when they look at me and go “YOU are loud, babe”, I go- “OHHH Yass, I am loud, I know” with a huge smile on my face and heart.
Not shrinking because the other one cannot hold space for your authenticity is liberating.
Isn’t it ridiculous that we become small to fit in so we get validation from those who are actually hurting in being in that box?
Your freedom and authenticity will be polarizing for so many women around you, sis, it will be TOO MUCH for them, but it will be one day the medicine they were looking for.
Here is a little step by step practice, that helps me at any point I am triggered by another woman for their wild, ecstatic, true expression
First, say out loud or write down what you feel
“I FEEL” - I feel jealous, I resent, I feel angry... I judgeSit with that emotion and allow yourself to feel it
Dance that emotion and embody it, dance (or use any other embodiment practice, dynamic meditation …) your anger, dance your jealousy
Reflect in which ways this might be an invitation for you to embody what you might have buried deep down
Once you bring it to your awareness, start awakening that in you one step at a time and own YOUR bigness, your loudness, your craziness, your wildness, your ecstasy, your expression, your AUTHENTICITY sis.
